The Helper (A Self Indulgent Portal Fic)
by jojotrashs
Summary: “Inside each of us, there is the seed of both good and evil. It's a constant struggle as to which one will win. And one cannot exist without the other.” - Eric Burdon. this is a self insert pairing between myself and wheatley from portal 2! contructive critisism welcome!
1. Chapter 1

**One - Awoken**

Everything hurt.

It wasn't an exaggeration; every body part, every nerve, was on fire.

They sat up. Opening their eyes took a large amount of effort, and by the time their hazel irises had adjusted to the sudden light of the room, they were already exhausted. They wanted nothing more than to lay down and go back to sleep.

But something was poking at them in their mind. Something wasn't quite right, and they couldn't quite remember.

Who even _were_ they?

Searching their mind proved fruitless. They really couldn't remember their own name. Or anything, for that matter.

Their eyes scanned over the familiar - why it was so, they didn't know - torn and frayed yellow wallpaper with disdain. It was mostly a pattern palm trees going on in an infinite square around the room, but on every other one, there'd be a treasure chest. It was _sickeningly_ familiar and it put a knot in their stomach.

After a while of sitting there in silence, they swung their legs over the bed and rubbed their eyes. The pain was subsiding now; it wasn't as strong as it had been. Dull, would be the appropriate word, they supposed. A glance up was met with a closet, which they wanted to open on instinct, but didn't. Standing up seemed like an awfully large amount of work for their groggy mind and limbs to comprehend.

Another familiar thing was the cold of the room. It chilled them in a not-so-friendly way. A friendlier way, they supposed, would have been when you go outside and play in the snow. A friendlier way would be when small snowflakes made themselves known on the tip of your nose every now and then, as they fell from the sky in a calm succession.

It would have been nice to be **outside** , wherever that was. It sounded better - in their mind - than stuck in a cold, small square room. Inside.

'Trapped' was the word they associated with _inside._

Suddenly, there was knock on the door, and a voice to go along with the tapping. It wasn't theirs, and it wasn't familiar. But it was comforting. To hear someone - or something - else, other than the ringing in their ears, or a prolonged silence.

"Hello? Is anyone in there?"

 _What accent,_ They wondered briefly, _is that?_ It didn't sound like the person - thing, whatever - had said 'hello' at all. A closer guess would have been 'hullo'. The 'e' was sharp sounding, and the voice, in general, was smart sounding.

How someone could sound smart, was a curious thought.

They pushed themselves carefully from the bed, and immediately found that standing was more than a little difficult. A slight wobble sent them falling back onto the bed; it gave them a sense of determination. To do such a menial task as standing was hard for them, and for some reason, it frustrated them.

They tried again with more success this time. Wobbly as their legs were, at least they were standing. Another few minutes passed and they had made their way to the wooden door with the golden handle. A thought then occurred to them if it was safe to open it.

Who knows what could be waiting for them beyond the familiarity of the cold room they'd been in for what felt like forever? Their whole life, maybe? Did they ever even have a life outside of those ship-decaled walls?

As if listening to her thoughts, the smart-voice spoke again.

"Hullo? Is anyone in there? I really hope there is, honestly, or I could be in some seriously hot water. Metaphorically of course. Or not, you know, it's hard to tell with Her, and would really like to get out of - OH!"

* * *

Halfway through his rambling, the door was opened, and the person standing there looked horrifyingly not healthy, and it frightened Wheatley considerably. Dark circles sat under their hazel eyes, and their blue hair sat frayed and unkempt on their head. At one time, the robot thought, this person must've had a more well-kept hairstyle, and maybe, perhaps, the blue was brighter.

Blue, Wheatley thought to himself, was a nice color.

* * *

"Oh! Good, you're awake, brilliant!"

The ball-shaped robot moved along the rail on the ceiling. The robot - the he, they were going to call it - then turned to look at them with as much positivity as his optic could muster.

"You look t- AH, um, you're looking good, looking good actually," He nodded and, from what they could tell, his optic squinting was reminiscent of a smile, "Are you okay? A-Are you - "

They opened their mouth to speak.

"Actually, don't answer that, I'm sure you're fine!" The robot nodded, which sounded like a small metallic 'whirr' of a sort. "There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take i- "

The circular robot, which they had taken a liking to, was interrupted by a gut wrenching familiar voice.

" **Please prepare for emergency evacuation.** "

That didn't sit so well with them. In fact, it wasn't sitting at all inside of them. It was more or less bouncing around inside of their chest, closing up into a ball of something that just felt _wrong._

"STAY CALM! Stay calm!" The robot's optic eye widened in shock, and the tone of his voice suggested that maybe he was trying to tell himself to do that as well as them. "Prepare, it's all the same, prepare, it's all fine. Alright?" That last sentence confirmed their suspicions.

"Don't move, I'm going to get us out of here."

* * *

Jordan's concept of _out_ must have been completely different than Wheatley's. That must have been it. There was no way - _no **way**_ \- that this place she was in, this 'facility' was as large as it seemed. How many people had they held here and tested? What manner of horrific things had Aperture put these people through?

What had it put _them_ through? Their memories were all a blur. Something about a bad place, a safe place, cake, a song. It was driving Jordan insane.

The only comfort was the companion Jordan found in Wheatley. His calming voice guided them, helped them - albeit his help was a bit controversial as being defined as help -, and seemed like he genuinely wanted to get them out for their safety. Wheatley was Jordan's constant. Reliable. He never went out of their view for long, and when he did, he always came back. Always.

"Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here - it's pretty heavy - they told me, never never ever, to disengage myself from my management rail, or I would die." Jordan listened, their grip loosening on the portal gun slightly. Wheatley was looking around nervously, as one would expect when one was going to do something that might get them killed. Unless they were a thrill seeker, then, well...but Wheatley didn't seem like a robot to put himself in danger for a rush of adrenaline. Jordan didn't think that was thing with robots, anyhow. "But were out of options here, so...get ready to catch me."

Jordan placed the Portal Gun they'd been holding safely on the ground and moved under Wheatley, their arms already outstretched.

"Alright, on the off-chance that...I'm _not_ dead the moment I pop off this thing." Jordan nodded and flashed Wheatley what they hoped was a reassuring smile. "Alright, on three."

"Ready?" Jordan nodded again.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!" The robot backed off, shaken, and shook his core frantically, "That's high, w-it's _too_ high isn't it, really, that?"

Jordan smiled again, this time out of amusement.

"Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it," Wheatly moved closer again, and Jordan positioned themselves under him. "Let's, uh, go on one this time."

"Okay, ready?" Jordan nodded once more. "One!"

"Catch me catch me catch me! OH! You - you caught me." Wheatley peered up at Jordan happily, and they returned the expression. He hadn't been expecting to be caught, really, and it surprised him. " _I_...am not dead! I'm not dead!" Jordan responded by giving a small, gentle hug to the circular core, and picked up their Portal Gun as they positioned him under their left arm. "Ah, hahaha! Plug me into the stick in the wall over there, and I'll show you something. You'll be impressed!"

Jordan smiled down at the ball. They already were impressed, in a way. This sentient ball of skittery, bubbly self doubt _had_ impressed them. He'd given them a name, after all. They'd asked for one, up front, because they couldn't remember their own.

Wheatley had stared at their face for a while, like he was taking in every detail, calculating, searching, and then finally, deciding.

"Jordan," He'd said, as sure of himself as he'd ever been, "You look like a Jordan."

Then Jordan they would be.

* * *

Wheatley was perplexed. They looked down at him with a fondness he hadn't witnessed before. Well, he'd witnessed it. Glances in the hall from scientists towards scientists. They however, unlike Jordan, never stopped. Always had somewhere to be, somewhere to work. Jordan was just standing there, staring at him with a small, fond smile. They took time to look at the little things. Noticed every detail. Wheatley had found Jordan staring at some light that shone in rays between some panels in one of the old decrepit testing rooms. Normal to him, nothing special, but when he'd asked what they were staring at, they'd simply replied, 'It's pretty.' That was all there was to it.

He took this chance to really get a good look at them. Jordan - he was rather proud of himself for coming up with that - had freckles that lightly dusted their cheeks with no pattern. There were two, bigger freckles - beauty marks, he thought - one just below their left eye, and another father down their cheek on the other side. They didn't smell either - of course, he wasn't even entirely sure he could smell - which he'd always hear from Her. That humans were smelly, squishy, and useless. But Jordan. Jordan wasn't useless, he decided. They were getting the both of them out of there, weren't they?

Wheatley could learn to like putting a smile on their face. They deserved it, as far as he was concerned.

As quickly as the shared moment between them had begun, it passed. Jordan suddenly seemed to recall that they were, in fact, escaping, and not taking a leisurely stroll through a park. With a determined push, Jordan had plopped Wheatley on the stick, per his instructions.

"Alright then, lemme just, actually, you know what?" Jordan tilted their head at the robot. "Could you turn around, like, really? I can't do it with you looking."

They turned, heard a sort of clicking noise, matched with a short pop.

"Aha! There we go. Door's open - don't forget me, please!"

They wouldn't forget him, Jordan mused to themself, not ever. The idea was laughable to them, actually. Jordan tugged gently on the sphere - he was babbling about something something best hacker something something - and when that didn't get Wheatley out, Jordan stopped and caught his attention with a wave of their hand.

" - Not that I'm anywhere near as good at you as problem solving - oh, yes? What is it? There's nothing wrong, is there?"

"Will it hurt you if I tug harder?"

Their voice was small and meek, Wheatley thought, among other things - those other things being calming and soothing - but it was loudest where it counted. Not in the volume of course, but the words. Nobody had ever expressed concern for his well being. Nobody had ever cared. He'd slid down the halls on his familiar Management Rail for as long as he could remember; nobody paid him any mind. But when they did it was often unpleasant. Plugging him into places he didn't want to be, the most frightening of the experiences being where Wheatley was plugged into _Her_. And then after that, when there was only Her, was something Wheatley didn't like to think about. She was awful in every sense of the word. She had called him a moron on more than one occasion before the human had destroyed her and left. Jordan was nothing like _Her_ , though. Jordan was soft, gentle, and kind. Wheatley found comfort in that, as well as reassurance that they didn't think he was a moron. Unless they weren't saying it out loud and only _thinking_ it.

"Well, um, we don't exactly have any other choice right now, so um, go ahead. Pack a good wallop. Pull me right on out with all of your brute - "

 _POP_

Wheatley was out and back under Jordan's arm before he could say 'hopscotch'. Which had no relevance here, now that he thought about it. Briefly he wondered why they preferred carrying him in their arms instead of with the Portal Gun. It would've been easier on both of their ends. He wasn't complaining though, no. Quite the opposite; he enjoyed being held this carefully, almost like Jordan was afraid they'd break him.

He wondered, for a moment, if perhaps, say, there was a test involving hopscotch. How tightly would Jordan hold him then? Would they use the gun? Use his handle instead of wrapping their arm around him in a sort of...permanent human embrace? Or would they use him as the rock to keep track of where they'd land, and discard him after the game was over?

 _No_ , he'd decided, _they wouldn't do that_.


	2. Chapter 2

WOW! Has it been a hot minute or what, fellas? Sorry about the long wait, I've had a lot going on for months now and I honestly forgot all about this until a friend reminded me. Sorry about this relatively short update, but the site deleted the original chapter I had written out a while ago, so I had to write a new one from scratch. I'll be updating again soon, if anyone is still interested!

* * *

The short walk along the suspended metal walkway had taken quite the toll on Jordan. Admittedly, they hadn't walked very far, but they had been trying to move quickly at the behest of Wheatley. He'd seemed to get a little antsier the farther the two went.

As Jordan stepped over strewn tiles and broken glass, they felt themself become heavy in the legs and head. Wheatley was speaking about...something. It was getting harder to hear. Jordan sat down in a spot without glass and moved Wheatley into their lap before laying their head back on the dirty glass behind them. Jordan's ears rang. How had they been chosen for Aperture in the first place? They obviously had some kind of underlying health problem.

"Jordan? Are you alright?" Wheatley's voice was muffled. Jordan looked down at the blue optic spinning and whirring in front of them and smiled weakly.

"I need...to rest." Truthfully it was getting harder to keep their eyes open, and Jordan wasn't sure they could stop their eyelids from closing anyway.

* * *

Wheatley sat in Jordan's lap for what felt like ages, watching the human's chest move up and down in rapid motions. He supposed Jordan wasn't used to this kind of physical labor, but then again, how had they tested before? Had they tested before? What was it like to breathe? He had many questions.

Wheatley took to humming to himself for a while, and when that got boring, he simply began to speak. To Jordan, yes, though they couldn't hear him. It was mostly nonsensical things about their surroundings, or what Wheatley had been doing before he'd discovered a human still alive in one of the chambers.

"I wonder if you know the human that killed Her," Wheatley pondered, looking at Jordan's relaxed face. Their lip twitched when they dreamt, and he wondered if they knew that. "A brave one, I bet, whoever they were. Certainly not like you! Not to offend, but you did have a little bit of an eensy negative reaction to a bug earlier."

"I don't like them," Jordan mumbled, their eyes fluttering open. Wheatley felt like he'd been caught red-handed, so to speak.

"Understandable! Completely, in fact! Verily!" Wheatley rambled as Jordan stood slowly, probably getting their bearings. Jordan carried the talkative robot the rest of the way, through sliding doors, and down another hallway without saying a word. Wheatley began to get anxious.

"I would love it if you could vocalize to me that you aren't upset," Wheatley said, "I feel like teamwork is key here and if there's team conflict then we can't really get anything done, I don't think."

Jordan looked down at Wheatley and smiled softly. Somehow, that was all the answer he needed. Of course Jordan wasn't angry. What an idiot he'd been for even assuming that Jordan, of all humans, could be angry with him. What an absolute buffoon, a ma-

"Wheatley, is this…"

The robot looked up in response to see a malfunctioning door that was struggling to open. Through the small opening at the bottom, he could see Her room.

"Ok, I'm going to lay my cards on the table. I don't want to do it, I don't want to go in there - "

Jordan began to step forward as the door opened all the way.

"Don't! Jordan, don't go in there - Oh, she's off she's off, don't panic over it. She's off. All fine! On we go."

* * *

Jordan walked slowly into the room, taking it all in. Murky water had flooded the room, and all sorts of cables laid about. Grass and moss seemed to be growing everywhere, though most of the foliage was brown with death. Twisted metal beams curved upward toward the light shining down on a massive white carapace. Jordan stepped around the white frame carefully. From what Wheatley had told Jordan about Her (he wouldn't say her name in the conversations, and Jordan thought it better not to ask), She wasn't the sort of robot who would take being stepped on well, deactivated, or dead. Whatever She was.

"There she is. What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly." Jordan felt Wheatley shake what would be considered his head. "A proper maniac. D'yknow who ended up taking her down? Do you? You're not gonna believe this."

"A human?" Jordan answered quietly, making their way toward a white metal chute. On the wall next to it were hastily drawn red arrows. Jordan went around the chute to see a metal flight of stairs. They groaned inwardly but pressed forward.

"I know! I wouldn't have believed it either - "

Jordan looked down at Wheatley, an eyebrow raised incredulously.

"Not that humans aren't great! You certainly are! But eh, yeah, he escaped, and nobody's seen him since."

The walkway ended. Ended wasn't the right word, though. The walkway had broken and snapped off somehow, and was laying on the soaked ground below. Jordan took a shaking breath inward and fumbled their steps backward.

"Oh. Oh dear, you…" Wheatley looked down at Jordan's bare feet. "You don't have long-fall boots! Oh no…"

Jordan sat down, once again pulling Wheatley into their lap. It was at this point that Jordan began to feel utterly useless. No long-fall boots. What even were those? Shoes that allowed long falls, obviously. What was also obvious to Jordan now was that they hadn't done any testing in this facility. Why were they here, then? And not somewhere else?

"I think I'm going to vomit," Jordan mumbled, scooting farther away from the drop and holding Wheatley's cold frame closely. "Wheatley...why am I here? What...I don't…"

Jordan began to feel dizzy this time, but it was a new kind of dizzy. Tears began to cloud their vision as they looked down to Wheatley for guidance, who was looking at them with as much sadness as his optic could muster.

"Jordan. Jordan, I'm going to need you to breathe! IN and OUT, Jordan! Remember to breathe!" Wheatley exclaimed, probably noticing how Jordan had begun to hold their breath. They hadn't noticed, so the reminder to do the bodily function that was required for them to live was nice. "Calm down, dear, we'll figure this out together, alright?"

* * *

Where had this sudden burst of confidence come from, Wheatley wondered? Normally in a situation like this, he would give up, tell Jordan to go back to their room, that they were going to die, probably. But looking up at Jordan's flushed face and teary eyes, Wheatley felt like he needed to do something. Anything. Anything for Jordan. It was a new feeling, caring about someone. Much less caring about a human. Wheatley didn't think he'd ever see the day. 'Dear', he'd called Jordan, completely of his own volition.

"I have an idea, luv," Wheatley said softly, "Just calm down. I'm going to need you to hang off of the ledge. Can you do that? 'Course you can, you're fantastic!"

Jordan chuckled and shook their head, wiping their eyes on their arm.

"Fantastic?" They mused, "How am I going to hold you?"

Wheatley hadn't ever heard Jordan speak this much in the time they'd traveled the facility. Honestly, it was nice.

"Hmm...I wouldn't normally suggest dropping me…" Wheatley trailed off.

Neither would Jordan, he thought, and Wheatley also knew that as far as they were concerned, it wasn't happening. Jordan wouldn't put him in danger to benefit themself, this he was certain of. Jordan looked around for a moment before seemingly remembering something. They got the sleeve of their jumpsuit and tied Wheatley's handle onto it. Jordan then stood. Wheatley didn't particularly like the idea of hanging from Jordan, especially since it seemed that the added weight was doing nothing to help how saggy Jordan's pant legs were in a normal situation, let alone this one. Jordan paid no mind and only began to lower their legs over the ledge, using the railing for support. As they hung there, they looked down. Wheatley did too. The drop was a little less terrifying now, but it probably wouldn't be great for Jordan's joints and bones despite that. Quite squishy Jordan was, in fact.

"Maybe this was a bad idea. You could hurt yoursel- OH DEAR!"

* * *

Jordan dropped, landing on the broken platform on both feet, hissing at the pain in their ankles. Wheatley hit the metal with a loud clang and slung off of Jordan's sleeve. He yelped as well, and Jordan found themself ignoring their own pain to save Wheatley from rolling into the water. Grabbing his handle, Jordan hoisted Wheatley up quickly.

"Oh, thank goodness. I thought I was going to short out there for a second." Wheatley said, snuggling into Jordan's side as they returned him to his place under their arm. "You're brilliant, Jojo, absolutely, without a doubt indeed. Great to be back in your arms, let me tell you. Let's never do that again."

Jordan nodded in agreement and began trudging through the murky water toward their destination. A little further and Jordan saw another metal platform walkway.

"Good god, what is up with this place?" Jordan mumbled and continued to shamble on, keeping their weight off of their left ankle. That foot had landed first and taken the brunt of the impact.

It didn't take long to get to what Wheatley referred to as 'the main breaker room', whatever that meant. Jordan stepped inside to see what looked to be hundreds of buttons and levers that seemed to go on several feet upward. The lights were almost too bright for Jordan, who was squinting against the lights. It seemed their eyes had become accustomed to the dimness of the metal walkways. Of which Jordan still thought there were too many.

"Look for a switch that says escape pod, and don't touch anything else, right? Don't even look at anything else, just - well, I suppose you'd have to look at everything else to find the escape pod, wouldn't you? Hm…" Wheatley spoke as Jordan lifted him up to help with the search. After a few minutes of looking, the both of them concluded that they couldn't see it.

"Tell you what, umm, plug me in, and I'll turn the lights on," Wheatley said. Jordan looked to the sphere with hesitation. They hadn't put him down ever since they pulled him off of the last switch. The whole tying him to their jumpsuit thing didn't really count, and Jordan hadn't meant to let Wheatley almost fall in the water. What if something bad happened? "Jojo, what's the matter? We won't be able to get out of here if you don't plug me in. I'd really love to get out of here, wouldn't you? Of course, you would! You're smart. Smartest human I've ever met, even."

Reluctantly, Jordan pulled Wheatley into the system. The robot started off with a quote from God himself to lighten the mood, but Jordan was too busy looking around and furling and un-furling their fingers in and out of fists. Not being able to hold Wheatley was very anxiety-inducing. The platform turned, which didn't help. What did help was that despite it all, Wheatley was talking excitedly like he always did. That was the only thing keeping Jordan sane, they thought.

It was only when the platform began to move up did Wheatley sound worried. Jordan squatted to help with balance, almost nicking one of their toes against the wall full of buttons.

"Ok ok ok, don't worry, I've got it I've got it, I've got it! This should slow it down." Electronic sounds of a code being inputted. The platform began to move quicker. "Oh, no, makes it go faster. Go figure, eh?"

 _ **Power up initiated.**_

"Wheatley…" Jordan started, fear rising in their voice.

"Ok! Don't panic! We're fine, alright? Stop panicking," Wheatley's voice held a tone of urgency that Jordan hadn't heard. "I can still fix this. Oh oh! There's a password. S'okay, it's fine, I'll just hack it."

The giant robot in front of Jordan began assembling itself slowly but surely. Jordan leaned against the pod's short outer rim, their eyes widening in panic. As Wheatley tried different codes, all wrong, the chassis of the robot began to rise. The head had bursts of electricity as it wobbled forward and backward.

"Okay, Jordan, act natural, act natural. We've done _nothing_ wrong, alright?" Jordan looked to Wheatley, then back up at the large robot hovering before them. "Hello!"

She looked right at Jordan, and with more disgust than Jordan had ever heard come out of Wheatley, She spoke.

"Oh. It's _you_."

Did she know Jordan? No, no, that couldn't be. They weren't the human, they couldn't be. It was painfully obvious to Jordan. They weren't powerful enough to take this machine out. No, no. There was someone else. Vaguely, Jordan remembered a _someone_.

"You _know_ her?" Wheatley asked. Jordan sensed a tone wonder his voice as they looked down at him, tears clouding their vision. Jordan didn't know if they had ever been this afraid.

"It's been a _looong_ time. How have you been?" She asked, her body moving with her inflection. "I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you helped **_murder me?_** "

"You _what_?!"

Jordan shook and moved forward, curling around Wheatley. Small flashes began coming into Jordan's mind. The someone, completing the tests with the someone, helping the someone, choking on a thick green gas as the someone walked away from Jordan toward an elevator. A feeling of betrayal as Jordan's vision went dark.

"Oh, you remember now, _don't you_?" She chuckled, a crane reaching toward Jordan and lifting them up off of the ground, which pulled Wheatley out of the plug as a result as well. "Chell _abandoned_ you. She never _cared_ about you. She _used_ you. Just like that core in your arms."

* * *

Wheatley felt a twinge of anger at that, as well as Jordan's arms tightening around him. Wheatley hadn't intentionally _used_ Jordan, had he? If anything, he thought, the both of them had used each other. The two benefited from each other the whole way there. Though now, Wheatley wasn't sure that was a good thing anymore. What he knew was that he cared for Jordan.

"Hey! That isn't true! We're friends, lady!" Wheatley found himself saying, despite the situation.

"Friends?" She laughed. Wheatley winced.

She brought the two of them closer. Wheatley felt Jordan shaking with fear.

"Look, we all did things that you're going to regret," She said. "I'm going to take this core from you, for starters. You won't need that while testing."

Now _Wheatley_ was shaking. She was going to separate them. That wouldn't be good, no, not at all.

"NO!" Jordan screamed as another crane reached toward Wheatley. Jordan was no match for the crane, however. It pulled Wheatley from Jordan's arms easily.

Wheatley watched in horror as Jordan was carried over to a chute that opened from all directions, quite like the mouth of a monster. Jordan looked frantically to Wheatley.

"Don't worry about me, luv! I'll be fine!" He called to them. He wanted to believe he would be, he really did. "I'll see you soon, I promise!"

Wheatley didn't have time to say anything else before Jordan was dropped down the chute, screaming his name. Wheatley shook as She looked at him again. Would he be able to keep his promise? God, he hoped so. He really, really, really hoped he'd be able to see Jordan's smile again. He'd give it all just to be back under Jordan's arm, snug and warm.

 _ **CRUNCH.**_

 _Wheatley saw blue._


	3. Chapter 3

New art for the story by the way! I figured it was due time for an update.

* * *

It was _hot_. Unbearably so. As Jordan picked their head up from the scalding metal beneath them, their first thought was of Wheatley. What had become of their beloved friend? Jordan lifted themself up and stood as slowly as they could, clenching their fists. The human couldn't feel the pain of their nails digging into their palm. Looking around, Jordan could see no sign of the spherical robot they had befriended. All they could see was steam, rusted metal pipes, and a lava pit below.

Jordan began to feel sick. They'd become so accustomed to having Wheatley with them that not having him made their chest ache. Made their head spin. Jordan, with all of the volume their scratchy voice would allow, **screamed**. Jordan screamed until their throat burned with the hatred of a thousand wasps. Jordan's behavior was not unlike a tantrum at that moment.

"Oh, good, you're awake. Welcome to the Incinerator Room. I had forgotten that you have no long-fall boots, so I apologize for any discomfort you are feeling that you may or may not deserve. Do you know why you don't have any long-fall boots, by the way? Because you were never good enough to test. It says it right here in your file submitted by the lab team. 'This subject is weak, unintelligent, and useless'. Their words, not mine. I will supply you with the tools you need anyhow because you are the only human left to benefit science."

Her voice seemed to come from all directions and nowhere at the same time. Jordan hated it.

"I have no other choice but to use you for these tests. If Chell were here, you know, I would have _killed you_. No hard feelings, of course. It simply stands that because you are weak, you are useless."

Jordan frowned, tears brimming at the corner of their eyes.

"You may as well move forward. Testing will soon be your only option whether you like it or not. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when Chell threw them down here. The dual-portal device should be around here somewhere."

Not having any other choice, Jordan did as instructed, hugging themself in an embrace they wished to give Wheatley. The metal pipes roared as they moved to make way for Jordan as they shambled on, finally coming to a pile of metal. Underneath it sat a portal gun.

"There it is. Hold on."

The metal parts on top of the gun lifted after a brief struggle. Jordan winced at the mechanical screeches.

"Go ahead. Take it."

Jordan took the gun, not of their own volition and fitted it comfortably onto their right forearm. It was a little heavier than the single-portal device Jordan had while roaming with Wheatley, but Jordan would get used to it in due time. Holding _something_ was comforting.

"Excellent. There should be a way to the testing area up ahead. Good luck."

Taking a deep breath, Jordan looked up at the speckled white wall over a metal wall and above. As an experiment, Jordan shot a blue portal toward it. The blue stuck on the white like...something that sticks? A sticker, perhaps, whatever that was. Looking next to them, Jordan saw another speckled white wall. They shot an orange portal then stuck their hand through it, completely baffled to see their appendage hanging out of the portal across the way. What did it take to make this device? Jordan supposed - as they lept through the portal before them - they would have a lot of time to ponder.

* * *

When Wheatley awoke he was on the floor. Not a fun place to be, the floor. Kind of dirty. His second thought which didn't include how dirty the floor was, was that he was alive. Alive in the sense that he could be, anyway. Alive is alive is alive. What was he doing? His shell twitched.

Oh, yes. He'd been crushed. By pincers. Kind of like beetle pincers, maybe. Was a beetle a bug? Wheatley thought he remembered that beetles were bugs. He wondered briefly if it was ironic that he and Jordan had been separated by a feature of one of the things Jordan disliked wielded. Jordan...Jordan...

 _Oh, bollocks! Jordan!_

Wheatley tried to roll but it seemed rather pointless. His handles kept him from going very far. Not to mention, She was hovering just over to Wheatley's left. Then again, where would he roll to? The chute? Then what? Jump? He didn't have legs. What an idiot idea that was, proper stupid. Actually, it was a great idea. His idea just couldn't accommodate his shape. Yes, that's it. Brilliant idea! Just can't execute it.

Wheatley looked around the room, then squinted at something he saw faintly in the distance. Was that...a bird?

* * *

"Once testing starts, I am required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk. Do you know that the biggest lesson I learned from what the two of you did?"

Jordan continued shooting portals in their appropriate places, trying to tune Her out as best as they could. Their mind was mostly on Wheatley and whether he was alive or not. They hoped to whatever deity was listening that he was. That he'd come back or just magically appear in their arms so the two of them could escape this god awful place. Jordan couldn't even fully remember how they'd come to be there. All Jordan got were flashes of green meadows and a small metal windmill.

" - I was able to relive you both killing me again and again. Forever. You know, if you two had done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting _revenge_?"

The path was blocked by protruding panels. Jordan stopped to wait, letting Her continue to drone on with Her oh so vaguely-threatening charm.

"Luckily, I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only seventy more years to do it. More or less."

The door opened to reveal a room with a tunnel-like elevator. The walls around it were covered in screens showing a blue background with white text. Blue and white. Wheatley was blue and white. Hopefully _still_ blue and white and not crushed to a pulp. Jordan held back the lump in their throat and pressed forward into the elevator, sitting down and closing their eyes as the doors swished shut. Leaning their head on the glass, Jordan allowed themself a moment to relax.

She wasn't talking anymore, so it was quiet. Quiet was something that Jordan hadn't thought they had to deal with. Not while Wheatley rambled on nonsensically about whatever. Jordan missed the empty conversation and silly jokes. They missed the weight of him at their side. Simply put, without making a long list that went on for miles, Jordan missed Wheatley. A lot.

Jordan opened their eyes and looked down at their bare feet, noticing that they were bleeding. Not profusely, but something had happened back there that was enough of a disturbance to break the skin. Jordan hadn't even been aware of it before now. They did their best to scrub the blood off with spit and their jumpsuit sleeve and hoped that was good enough. Jordan didn't exactly have a lot to their devices, not including or limited to: boots that would keep them from breaking their ankles, bandages, and food. Did they even need to sustain themself with food? That wasn't something that had crossed their mind until then. Though, if She wanted a test subject - a rat for her race - She wouldn't let Jordan die, would She? Then again, She heavily implied that She was going to put Jordan through hell.

Jordan wasn't certain about anything anymore. Their eyes were getting heavy and the elevator ride was long.

* * *

Wheatley was in a nest. It wasn't very interesting. Being an egg, that is. There was just a lot of sitting and being sat on. And the waiting. Man alive, the waiting was the hardest part! You'd think the years roaming Aperture would have taught him patience, but Wheatley was absolutely _very_ ready to _stop_ being an _egg_. Wheatley was also ready to find Jordan, get the biggest reuinion hug from them, and get out of the facility.

Just as Wheatley was thinking this (well, talking to himself about it, really), the bird returned. It carried bits of cords and wires that it placed directly on top of Wheatley, then squawked.

"Bloody brilliant, now I won't get cold. Oi oi, listen, wingman, wingbuddy, wingpal? I need to - that is, I want to - I need you to carry me somewhere. Can you do that? Can you understand me...? At all?"

The bird squawked.

* * *

"Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you two killed me. By the way, thanks for that."

 **"Sarcasm self-test complete."**

"Oh good! That's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test which involves deadly lasers, and how test subjects react in a room with deadly lasers."

As soon as She finished talking, a red laser began beaming down onto one of the white tiles. Jordan shot a portal under it, then sloshed through the water toward a lowered platform. On the left side of the room in perspective of the platform, sat an interesting looking circle thing that looked important. Jordan shoots a portal onto the ceiling, laser rises platform, Jordan steps off onto the ledge, and completes the test. Easy. Easy-peasy lemon squeezy.

Jordan enjoyed the test, to be honest, despite the situation. Though they were sure the rest of the tests wouldn't be as simple. Would they struggle as much as the scientists at this facility believed?

Only time would tell.


	4. Chapter 4

link to the fic playlist if you're interested: user/yj0pyjsspoub51lwxp1glquq7/playlist/2eN2FSuPgpGVfJtIyUcqQv?si=eKRt91KZTTy8oFYmLJqn_A

* * *

"This next test involves Discouragement Redirection cubes. I just finished building them before Chell had her, well, episode. Which is also considered _your_ episode as well, if you think about it."

Couldn't She, Jordan wondered, say anything useful? Instead of droning on and on about how much hatred She held? Jordan's real name, perhaps? Where they'd come from or who they were before they arrived at Aperture by whatever means? Who was Chell, other than the woman who left Jordan to die? Was torturing Jordan's mind something She enjoyed? Probably, come to think of it. Jordan had awoken from their slumber in the elevator with tears streaming down their cheeks, and Her voice seemed rather cheery at that. Whatever the case, Jordan had a multitude of questions.

"Either way, now we'll both get to see how those work. There should be one in the corner."

Jordan looked around the decrepit room curiously, taking in the environment. The first thing that they noticed was the fiery red laser going through the middle of the room. It blocked the corner that She had mentioned. Which is where the human needed to go. Jordan looked down at their bare feet and winced at the thought of losing one of them. Didn't She say She would provide Jordan with a pair of long-fall boots? Those had to be more protective than the skin on Jordan's soles. Way more. Those boots would be nice to have.

As Jordan was thinking this, a chute above opened, and out fell a pair.

After Jordan was done lacing the boots up and getting a feel for the bounce, they proceeded to jump over the laser. The boots provided more height upon launch, which was good for avoiding deadly lasers, but Jordan almost slammed into the wall when they landed. The corner that harbored the cube they needed was blocked off by a rusted wall that was missing some plating. Jordan shot a portal through one of the square holes, under the cube.

For a split second, Jordan blinked. In that second, Jordan caught a glimpse of a glowing blue eye.

 ** _Was that Wheatley?_**

Could it be possible that Jordan's friend was alright? A bubble of urgent hope formed in Jordan's chest. With a small smile on their flushed face, as well as a newfound confidence, Jordan retrieved the cube.

* * *

As Wheatley rushed down the management rail, he hoped Jordan had seen him. He couldn't stay in the room long, but he'd wanted to give them just a glimpse while staying out of Her sight. A small peek. Perhaps that would be enough for Jordan to press forward for the time being. Wheatley wasn't giving up on getting Jordan out of Aperture and he _hoped_ they knew that. Funny. Self-preservation was usually Wheatley's top priority. He wouldn't deny that he had initially planned to use Jordan as a button pusher and flip switcher when he'd woken them up. Maybe the two of them would have parted ways when arriving Outside. But that was then. _This_ was _now_.

Now that he thought about it, he was certain he wanted to stay with Jordan, wherever they went.

* * *

 _They'd burnt themself._

Jordan had shot the portal under the Discouragement Redirection Cube. The cube had spun, which caused the laser reflected inside to graze across Jordan's leg as the cube landed. Jordan had been limping through five or six test rooms, gritting their teeth as She all but laughed at their pain. Two of those tests involved hurtling through the air, which burned Jordan's new wound. Another thing that burned was Jordan's throat, as they had spent those two test chambers screaming their lungs out. Why? Simply put, flying through the air at a rapid pace wasn't something that Jordan considered enjoyable _at all_. There would undoubtedly be _more_ of those rooms. What a _lovely_ thought.

The person had also learned something while in the rooms, courtesy of Her. The information wasn't remotely useful at all, but She thought they were a horrible person. Understandable, if Jordan did aid Chell in murdering Her. Though Jordan was certain there must have been a reason for their behavior. They weren't the type of person to harm or even kill without reason. And it would have to be a very _good_ reason.

Around the fifth or sixth test room (Jordan had arrived to the conclusion that it was useless to count anymore, and if they truly ever cared to know how far they'd gotten into the endless hellhole of a facility, it was always on a bright display before entering any chamber), Jordan saw Wheatley. Actually _saw_ him. Looked right at him, both eyes open. Not just a trick of the mind. Or maybe it had been. Maybe it was a hallucination. It didn't matter. Jordan probably would have been singing out of sheer happiness had they not been worried that She would hear.

Jordan settled on a quiet, happy hum.

"It's a second-degree burn if you're wondering."

Her voice rang out around the room as Jordan rode the platform up to the exit. Leave it to Her to turn a happy mood into a sour one.


	5. Chapter 5

She was rewarding them.

This was unexpected, and more than anything, it was scary. It was very frightening, so much so, that Jordan could only stand and stare at the gauze that had dropped out of - what they had taken to calling it - the Cube Chute. They didn't dare touch the gauze. Their leg burned and practically begged to feel some small amount of pressure from anything to feel some sort of relief - but Jordan didn't move. The implications that rolled up cylinder of gauze held were too much. Was it supposed to be motivation? Bribery?

Or was it to establish a false sense of trust?

They decided to kick the gauze into an open panel on the wall. It bounced off of the corner of the broken surface and rolled to a stop near their foot. It was now closer than it had been, and thus, more enticing.

Jordan was nothing if not a 'Adam and Eve in The Garden of Eden' type.

They wrapped their leg with the gauze slowly, almost methodically, as they sat on the testing chamber floor. Jordan would be lying if they said they didn't think the gauze would actually turn out to be made of rubber. It would be expected. She would pull a cruel joke like that. But the gauze wasn't made of rubber, it was real, and that was confusing.

And She said nothing. For the first time since eight test rooms, She said nothing. Not that she was there to say anything. She had said she was 'leaving' to check on the turbines. Now, Jordan was pondering on the implication that maybe She hadn't given them the gauze at all. Who had, then?

They ripped the excess gauze off with their teeth, tucked the loose strip into the first layer, and stood up, shoving the rest of the gauze in their jumpsuit pocket. Jordan bounced once to get a feel for standing in the long-fall boots again and - forgetting that they were standing on a tall piece of the floor, and wearing boots that hiked their normal jumping height up by seven or five inches - hit their head on the ceiling.

"SHIT!"

Swearing felt good. Like, really good. Of course, it didn't help the throbbing headache that their headspace had accumulated, but it felt good. Natural, even. Dare Jordan say they used to be a bit of a potty mouth in the life they couldn't remember? They were, probably, but thinking about their past only worsened the headache, so Jordan did their best to tune those thoughts out and focus in on a new station on Dread FM.

Wheatley. Another thing to worry about. Jordan had been so focused on solving tests and ignoring Her that they'd almost completely forgotten what it was like to hear him speak. Guilt settled in their chest at the thought as they trudged through a short hallway. A panel on the right of them was twitching and trying to settle back into its pre-made square normal but was having a bit of trouble. The hole it was supposed to fit into wasn't there anymore, so the panel was slamming into the wall with several pitiful 'CLANK CLANK...CLANKCLANK's. Not unlike how Jordan felt without Wheatley - a panel trying to fit in a place it couldn't fit in anymore. They felt sorry for the square piece of wall and questioned themself for a moment - the exact question being 'Am I empathizing with an inanimate panel?' - before the door in front of them slid open.

The first thing Jordan noticed upon entering the decrepit room - aside from the floor fixing itself as quickly as it could - was the Aerial Faith Plate. Those had become something akin to the Abominable Snowman for Jordan. Not that they entirely knew what that was, but it sounded scary, so that's the name the Aerial Faith Plate would have. Before stepping onto it, Jordan looked up. There was a Portal Place. They didn't think the Snowman would send them up so high that they'd end up hitting their head again, but the idea still made them wince. The headache did, too.

What was the fear of heights called? Acrophobia. The word was close enough to Abominable in Jordan's head. Had about...two or three letters in common. Anything more than two is a crowd. They didn't like crowds and they didn't think they'd ever want to remember what it was like to be in the middle of one. Even though they were. If two is company and three's a crowd, She was the crowd.

Letting out a low swear, Jordan stepped onto the Snowman and flew directly upwards.

"Hey! Hey it's me! I'm oka - "

Back down. Jordan was screaming inside of their head very loudly. They'd just seen Wheatley, they'd heard him, it wasn't in their head. HE'S ALIVE, HE'S ALIVE, HE'S ALIVE!

The Snowman beeped as Jordan stomped on it. They were desperate to go back up.

"Well, I'm back," Her voice entered the room. "The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal. Probably because you're stomping on it. You broke it, didn't you?" Ignoring how weird She sounded - almost like a mother chastising her child - Jordan continued pressing down on it with as much weight as they could. They figured they were the 'beat it up until it works' kind of a person. Like slamming a TV remote in your hand. "Get off of it."

Jordan did, huffing impatiently.

"There. Try it now." She said jadedly.

Jordan wasted no time in stepping onto the Snowman again, which sent them up, up, up - there he was. Smiling the only way he could as he spoke excitedly, his shell twitching and his optic flickering.

"You won't believe what happened, right, I was just lying there - you thought I was done for - " Wheatley was cut off again by Jordan falling back down...again.

"Mmm. This plate must not be calibrated to someone of your...generous...ness." She droned. Jordan could only roll her eyes at the attempt to belittle them - they didn't care what they looked like in this place. This place was somewhere they wanted to look bad in just to shit on Aperture in Jordan's own small way. "I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight." A series of beeps sounded from the speakers as She continued to speak, "You look great, by the way. Very healthy." The last beep sounded.

"Try it now."

Jordan needn't have been told twice.

The wind in their ears didn't help their headache but the fact that they saw Wheatley again - who was rambling about a bird and how he 'couldn't believe it either' - helped immensely. Jordan was sick of falling back down and of Wheatley leaving their vision again. Also of being up so high and dropping back down at a rate that would crush their legs if they hadn't been given long-fall boots.

Upon dropping again, Jordan looked upward and squinted. Wheatley was still rambling on, under the impression that they could hear him, or maybe he was just so happy to have someone to talk to that he kept talking anyway. Or to see them again, maybe. To give Jordan direct confirmation that no, he wasn't dead, and yes, he came back for them. Jordan knew they were excited about that.

"It seems you defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling."

Jordan wanted to scream no, to slam their fists on the plate and scream as loud as they could. She would take it away. This small moment of levity, even if She didn't know it was there, was ripped out of Jordan's grasping fingers.

The square part of the ceiling sparked as it moved down slowly, shielding Wheatley from Jordan's view.

* * *

"Okay, this is fine, no need to panic, Jordan knows I'm alive," Wheatley hurriedly spoke to himself as he rushed down the management rail once again, "I'll catch up with them a few tests ahead. Just a few more, and I can drop into their arms again. Off we'll be to the Outside! In fact, lets make that one more chamber. One more."

* * *

"Don't touch anything."

Jordan decided to sit down and lean against a wall that had just gotten done fixing itself. She had just gotten finished threatening them with a series of unnecessary threats. Well, one, about how She was going to laminate Jordan's skeleton and pose it in the lobby so people could learn from their 'horrible mistakes'. They almost wanted to ask Her what people she thought would be seeing their defiled corpse, as She had told them many test chambers ago that they were the only human left to 'benefit science'. Jordan had decided a long time ago in an elevator that Aperture was barely science. It was shoddy science, at best, to make a bunch of machines that have no point to them except to question why certain features were added if they couldn't use them. Also, the robotic looking bug that skittered across Jordan's boot as they sat there, listening to the door spark and crackle. What purpose did it have? To emulate something disgusting and make Jordan almost step on the thing with a horrifying amount of brute force? If so, Aperture definitely succeeded.

It hadn't been long when Jordan heard a familiar voice. The one they actually liked.

"Hey! Hoi! Up here, Jordan!"

They looked up at a window. The window was made in such a way that anyone who tried to look out of it or into it would have to squint a little bit, and even then that wouldn't help much, but Jordan could make out the shape of Wheatley, as well as his glowing blue optic. Jordan smiled and waved at their circular robot friend as they stood up, feeling rather elated to see him again.

"So, I found some bird eggs up here, just dropped them right into the door mechanism!" Wheatley exclaimed, ever so proud, "Shut it right down. I - " Jordan saw a small dark shape begin circling Wheatley, as well as emitting several angry caws. "AH! BIRD, BIRD, BIRD, BIRD-"

Then he was gone again. Jordan knocked their head up against the wall in front of them. It was an attempt to start up another flare of their headache to distract from the fact that they couldn't hold him, and it worked a little too well.

"Okay. That's probably the bird, innit? That laid the eggs?" Wheatley was back and Jordan wasted no time in craning their neck up to look at him again, even though their vision was blurring completely out of their own control. "Livid! Alright, the point is, Jordan, we're going to break out of here very soon! I promise I promise, I just have to figure out how to...break us out of here."

"Wheatley, I - "

"Here she comes! H-Here she comes, just keep testing just keep testing and remember, you never saw me." Wheatley began scooting himself backward into a square hole. "I'll be back soon!"

"Am going to pass out." Jordan finished and fell to their knees. The world was spinning rapidly around them, and stars began creeping up in the corners of their vision.

It was all too familiar, this feeling of emptiness in their stomach and a clouded mind. They were hungry, they knew that - they weren't stupid - but the stress of not being able to eat or drink anything had absolutely gotten to Jordan. This feeling was more like panic laced with small bits of hypoglycemia. What did that word mean again? Why did they know it? It hurt to think, but Jordan didn't have to think about not being able to think anymore.

Their eyes shut.

* * *

Wheatley had felt bad about dropping those eggs in the mechanism. They belonged to the bird that helped him some hours ago, but he wasn't exactly worrying about the repercussions or damage that destroying the eggs would do to the relationship he'd kindled with that bird.

What was more important was that Wheatley had heard that last bit from Jordan's end and it worried him beyond comprehension. Humans needed to eat, and it had been years since Jordan had acquired what humans consider a proper meal. There were still Twinkies in the cabinet of a scientist's office on one of the floors. Do Twinkies go bad? He thought he remembered that they didn't, or maybe it was that they didn't go bad for 'a very long time', whatever that timeframe was. Wheatley supposed it didn't matter; he was running out of options and ideas, perish the thought.

* * *

"The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd like to know."

Jordan didn't like it. It just reminded them that they had no concept of time or anything to measure it by. They also didn't like the previous test chamber, where they'd had to tip over turrets that sounded so much like human babies falling down. Or in Jordan's case, knocked over.

It was always lasers, they thought. They continued shooting their portal gun several times in a myriad of places on the white speckled walls, and finally yelping as one of the said lasers grazed their knee. Luckily, or unluckily, the burn was on the same leg as the other one. Jordan could limp as they had been. Perhaps, they thought, it would be great if they could stop standing in exactly the place the laser would be.

Jordan stopped in front of the emancipation grill and wrapped their leg up a second time. Afterward, there was still plenty of gauze left. But maybe, if Jordan could stop being so stupid, they wouldn't have to use any more of it at all, and that would be ideal.

They found a rubberband on the floor of the elevator as they stepped in, and picked it up. They looked above to the long chute that seemed to go forever, as if they could even see where the rubberband had come from. They couldn't, and looking up at the hole was scary, so they stopped.

Jordan tied up their hair into a makeshift bun with the band, letting it slap against their head when they were done. It was a very satisfying sound.

* * *

She had been talking to them a lot through the next few test chambers. Among the many things She had said, She mentioned that Jordan's parents were long dead, along with their old friends (if they had any). Jordan, of course, knew this, and had figured it out long before She had told them. It bothered them when they had first awoken, but now, it didn't. Jordan was better on focusing on what was immediately in front of them instead of the things they would have to do later. The only exception to that was when Wheatley was involved. Friends were Jordan's only weakness.

That, and lasers. And mac & cheese. And really wanting to rub their cheek against the light bridges. Or, Rainbow Bridges, as Jordan had taken to calling them.

She had said that if Jordan tried to rub their face against the Rainbow Bridges, their hair would catch on fire. As terrifying as that sounded, it seemed that when She told them not to do something, Jordan wanted to do the exact opposite. All of the "don't take that with you"s and "you'll die if you do this"s had Jordan wanting to touch everything they saw.

And every time She told them the name of something in the test area, Jordan made up new words for them.

Companion Cube? Heart Friend. Light Bridges? Rainbow Bridges. Aerial Faith Plates? Abominable Snowman. Turrets? Babies. Buttons? Hard to come up with a name for that, but they'd keep trying.

Point was, any small amount of disobediance or disregard for the 'rules' She had set in place made Jordan's time in the testing rooms a little bit more bearable.

She was right, though. Jordan's hair did catch on fire.

"Oh, wow. This would be hilarious to me if I could laugh." Her voice came from everywhere, cold and monotone as usual.

Jordan finally snuffed out the small fire on their makeshift bun and was tempted to make a lewd gesture at one of the cameras placed on the wall. But that would be a reaction, and Jordan had pleased Her enough for the time being.

"I wonder if that little idiot would've still woken you up if he'd known what an absolute disappointment you are. You should thank me. I've thought about killing you multiple times, but I haven't acted on it. I've kept you around. That's an accomplishment for me." 

Jordan, somehow, was wildly aware.


End file.
